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12 Funeral Service Etiquette Tips

Fri, 28 Jan 2022 15:06:00 GMT

Most people are familiar with the custom of wearing black to a funeral service. However, if you have not been to a funeral before or have not attended one in many years and you will be soon, it is understandable that you might be wondering about other funeral etiquette.

You are correct in assuming that there are other important considerations when it comes to doing your part to make the gathering a positive experience for everyone involved. The recommendations below provide helpful guidance for anyone attending a funeral ceremony.

Key Considerations When Attending a Funeral Service

Review these tips in advance of attending a funeral service. Learning about or being reminded of common customs for this type of event will help you avoid any awkward missteps and make you feel more comfortable at the event.

1. Understand the two emotional aspects of the gathering. A funeral service tends to have two primary emotional components: Mourning the loss of someone important to us and celebrating their life. This can make it challenging to know how to interact with others. Every funeral service flows differently, but often the period when people are arriving and expressing their condolences to family members is more somber, as is the service itself. After the funeral ceremony has concluded, it is common for the mood to lighten somewhat. Ultimately, it is just important to “read the room” and behave in a way that matches the current tone.

2. Actively support the family. In their grief, family members may not think to ask for help on the day of a funeral service, but often it is needed. If you can assist in any way—transporting flower arrangements or a photo board from one location to another, for example—it will be greatly appreciated.

3. Consider alternatives to flowers. It has long been a custom to send flowers to the family of someone who has passed. That certainly is still an option. However, increasingly people are finding other ways to offer their condolences and honor the deceased person like making a donation to their favorite charity or planting a tree in their name.

4. Choose topics of conversation thoughtfully. Generally speaking, it is best to avoid asking family members about the manner or events surrounding a person’s passing. You should also refrain from advising loved ones on how best to handle the loss. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. However, asking about the deceased person’s life is perfectly acceptable. In fact, many family members find it cathartic to reflect on both the good times the person enjoyed and the tough times they faced.

5. Understand that your support is what matters. Many people feel “tongue-tied” when they are grieving, particularly when talking to the spouse or children of someone who has died. If that describes you, remember that sometimes “less is more” and avoid trying to say something eloquent. In many instances, simply looking a family member in the eyes and saying, “I”m sorry for your loss, and I’m here for you,” sums things up perfectly.

6. Think carefully about having children attend. Very young children who may cause a disturbance at a funeral service are best left at home with a babysitter if possible. For older children, on the other hand, a funeral service can teach important lessons about love, loss, and relationships.

7. Dress conservatively. Typically, it is best to dress in dark or subdued colors and modest styles, as they convey a more somber mood than bright, eye-catching hues. Of course, if the family requests some other type of attire—like casual, colorful clothing to reflect the deceased loved one’s personality—you should honor that request.

8. Avoid taking pictures or posting to social media. Funeral ceremonies often bring together friends and family who have not seen each other in many years. As a result, there may be a desire to take photos of and with them. However, it is best if you do not do that at the funeral service. Instead, see if you can meet up with them somewhere after the service. And, you should never take photos of the deceased or anything during the ceremony. Also, posting to social media about your departed friend or loved one in the days before or after the funeral service as a way to acknowledge your loss and celebrate their life is acceptable, but it is respectful to refrain from posting on the day of the funeral or sharing intimate details of the service.

9. Leave room for the family. Often the venue for a funeral service will mark the seating that is reserved for family members. If that’s not the case, you should sit at least a few rows back to ensure there is enough space for them. Be aware that the family group may be larger than normal if loved ones have traveled to attend the service.

10. Participate in unfamiliar religious elements if you like. If a funeral service is performed following a particular faith and attendees are invited to participate, you should feel comfortable doing so. You can respect the family’s religious tradition without adopting it.

11. Do not feel obligated to attend the burial. If the deceased person will be laid to rest immediately following the funeral ceremony, it is up to you whether you attend. Choosing not to is not a sign of disrespect. It is common for there to be a significantly smaller group of attendees at a burial.

12. Stay in touch after the funeral. For many people, the full weight of losing a loved one does not hit until after the funeral service. Let them know that they remain in your thoughts and prayers by mailing them a handwritten note, calling them, or even simply sending a brief “Thinking of you” text message.

Empathy Is Essential

The common thread that runs through all of the funeral etiquette tips above is empathy—the ability to understand, share in, and be guided by the feelings of others. It is the state that people naturally find themselves in when someone they care about has died.

So, simply tapping into it can help you know how to navigate the traditions, expectations, and emotions of a funeral ceremony.

Creative Ideas for a Non-Traditional Funeral Service

Mon, 20 Dec 2021 17:59:00 GMT

Funeral services are very personal experiences that should reflect the preferences of the person who has passed. Many people prefer a traditional funeral ceremony held at their place of worship. However, it is increasingly common when thinking about how to prepare for funeral services to consider hosting a non-traditional funeral.

Choosing to take that approach frees family members to celebrate the life of their loved one in creative ways that highlight the person’s personality and interests. Did they enjoy cooking? Were they a nature lover? Did they have a love of boating? Were they an artist? A non-traditional funeral ceremony can showcase the person’s passions and encourage people to focus less on the loss and more on the joy that their loved one experienced in life and shared with others.

Coordinating a Personalized Funeral Service

The list of ideas for a non-traditional funeral service is virtually limitless. However, below are 10 suggestions for consideration. Each enables family members to coordinate a truly unique celebration of the person’s life.

Arrange a Funeral Ceremony Your Loved One Would Approve Of

Some people who attend your loved one’s funeral ceremony might not choose the type of non-traditional service you have arranged. But what matters is what your loved one would think of the ceremony.

It is important that you respect their wishes, whatever those wishes are. If a festive Hawaiian luau or a lively dance party, rather than a somber church funeral, would put a smile on their face, then that’s exactly the type of service you should coordinate.

Considerations for Choosing Between Cremation or Traditional Funeral Service

Mon, 29 Nov 2021 20:31:00 GMT

If a loved one who has passed has previously expressed a preference for cremation or having their physical remains casketed and buried, then that decision has been made for you. However, in some instances, a person’s desires may not be known.

In that case, family members who are planning the funeral service will need to decide what to do. Of course, there is no “right” or “wrong” approach—ultimately, it is a matter of personal preference. However, there are several factors to consider as you make your decision. They include religious or spiritual beliefs, finances, ecological considerations, and others.

Understanding Cremation

Cremation is the process of reducing a person’s physical remains to brittle, calcified bone fragments. These fragments are commonly referred to as the person’s ashes. You may also hear them called cremains, which is short for cremated remains.

The practice of cremation goes back thousands of years and has been used by cultures around the world. Today, it continues to be a process that is handled with the utmost care and respect for a deceased person’s physical remains after they have passed.

Cremation is performed in a crematory. There, the body is kept in a cool, climate-controlled environment until it is time for the process to begin. In preparation, any items like prostheses, pacemakers, etc. are removed from the body. It is then placed in a casket made of flammable materials, which is put into the cremation chamber.

The casket and remains are exposed to high heat for two to three hours to reduce them to cremains. The cremains are then cooled and subsequently processed into a pebble-like material and placed in a receptacle called an urn. This urn, which is chosen and purchased by family members, is then given to them.

Cremation can take place before or after a funeral ceremony, and the final disposition of the cremains can be handled in various ways. Some families choose to have the urn buried (sometimes called interred) in a gravesite or placed in a building called a mausoleum. Others keep the urn in their home.

Another common way to honor a loved one is to scatter their ashes in a favorite place. This is subject to any rules about doing so in that location, of course.

A loved one’s cremains can be kept together, or divided among family members. Some people choose to have a small bit of the cremains turned into, or placed within, a piece of memorial jewelry such as a locket.

Important Considerations About Cremation and Traditional Casketing and Burial

As you think about whether cremation or traditional casketing and burial is appropriate for your loved one’s physical remains, some of the considerations that likely will come to mind include:

These aspects can be considered in short order if necessary. However, it is ideal if they can be addressed before a person passes so that the person can express their preference if they choose to and also so that the decision-making process can be unhurried.

Additional Decisions To Be Made Regarding Cremation or Traditional Burial

When deciding on cremation or traditional burial, other choices to be made include:

Guidance on Disposition of Physical Remains and Funeral Service Planning

Decisions on the disposition of a person’s physical remains are very personal. However, our caring staff members at Greenwood & Myers Mortuary are always happy to provide insights from other funeral services we have assisted with if you feel that such input would be helpful.

Please contact us at your convenience to discuss the different options and approaches available.

8 Precious Gifts to Leave Loved Ones After Your Funeral Service

Thu, 28 Oct 2021 20:11:00 GMT

The death of a loved one is difficult for many reasons. One is the finality of it, of course. This person who played such an important role in your life is no longer here. While many people trust that they will be reconnected with departed loved ones when their own time arrives, at least in the near term, there is the feeling of being completely cut off from a lost friend or family member's love and support.

But there are things you can do before you pass away that can help take some of the sting out of losing you for surviving loved ones. Some creative and thoughtful people take steps to stay connected, to a degree, even after they’re gone. These gestures—whether large or small—can make a tremendous difference to the spouses, children, relatives, and others who mourn you.

How to Show You Care Even After Your Funeral Service

There are several things you can do to demonstrate your love for friends and family members after you have passed away. Some involve an “accomplice” like a friend or a local business that is willing to assist you. Other things you can do on your own. But either way, these eight actions can be incredibly meaningful to your loved ones.

Be Sure to Keep Your Audience in Mind

As you think about the gift you want to give your loved one after your passing, it is important to keep the recipients in mind. For an older loved one, a thoughtful card or letter might be more appropriate, as they can pull it out and read it whenever they want to reminisce about their time with you. Younger family members who are more “tech-savvy” may prefer a video that they can access from their mobile device whenever they want to see and hear you.

Whatever you choose to do, your gift will be most appreciated and helpful if it is an accurate reflection of who you are and also positive and uplifting. It may not be easy to be upbeat while also facing your mortality, but if you can find it in yourself to be encouraging, the time and effort you invest in your gift will pay dividends long after you have passed.

Helpful Funeral Service Pre-Planning Resources

If making funeral arrangements and/or prepayments is part of what you will be leaving to your family, there are helpful resources on the Greenwood & Myers Mortuary website. These include a page on the Funeral Pre-Arrangement Process , as well as information on a wide variety of topics on our Articles page.

And, if you or your family members ever have questions about Greenwood & Myers Mortuary, the services we offer, or funeral costs, we are happy to answer them. Please contact us at your convenience.

How to Pay for Funeral Services in Installments

Mon, 27 Sep 2021 17:00:00 GMT

There is a significant amount of work that a funeral home does to prepare a deceased loved one for viewing at a funeral service, to cremate the body if that option is chosen, and to coordinate the funeral and other related gatherings. By many estimates, the cost of these services today can range from $7,000 to $10,000 or more, depending on what services are needed and whether cemetery costs are included.

Some individuals educate themselves on itemized funeral costs and set aside money to pay them before they die. However, some do not. For many families that will be covering their loved one’s funeral costs, the amount can exceed the savings they have on hand. That fact can leave them wondering how to pay for funeral services.

Can You Pay for Funeral Services in Advance?

People will sometimes ask, “Can you pay for funeral services in advance?” The answer to that question is, “Yes.”

Setting aside money in advance of your passing is helpful in multiple ways. First, it removes the financial burden from surviving family members. This allows them to focus on supporting one another through the grieving process rather than having to deal with financial details.

Paying for funeral services in advance also provides peace of mind—both for the individual and their family. Especially in situations involving terminal illness or advanced age, where a person’s passing is expected in the nearer term, knowing that the funeral costs are covered allows everyone to relax and focus on enjoying the remaining time they have together.

Paying for Funeral Services in Installments

There are several ways to pay for funeral services, such as with proceeds from an insurance policy. However, if you want insurance policy funds to go to family members, you can pay funeral costs in advance in installments.

With this approach, you work with the funeral home to determine the itemized funeral costs for the services you will want. You use this information to come up with a total cost and then that total is broken down into affordable monthly payments.

In addition to removing the financial burden from family members and the peace of mind noted above, another benefit of paying for funeral services in installments is that you get a price guarantee. In other words, you pay for services at today’s rates, and the services ultimately are provided at that rate even if costs increase in the months or years before your passing.

Common Questions About Paying for Funeral Services in Installments

It is important that you are comfortable with the installment approach to funeral services before you agree to it. Below are some of the questions we are asked most frequently, with answers that can help you with your decision.

The First Step Toward Greater Peace of Mind

Whether you decide to pay for a funeral in installments or choose a different approach, the first step toward greater peace of mind for you and your family is to do some research. That might start with reviewing the helpful information on the Greenwood & Myers Mortuary website. There are resources covering a wide variety of topics, from Funeral Planning to Grief & Healing. Even if you choose to use the services of another mortuary, the research you have done will be beneficial.

What many people find is that simply learning about funeral costs and ways to pay for them is a relief. Then, with that information in hand, they can make deliberate, unhurried decisions that best honor the wishes of the individual while not straining the finances of surviving family members.

How to Make a Funeral Ceremony for Mom a Celebration of Life

Fri, 27 Aug 2021 15:59:00 GMT

Funeral services often have a rather somber mood. That is understandable. It is not easy to say goodbye to a loved one. However, it is increasingly common to turn a funeral ceremony into a celebration of life or to have a separate event before or after the funeral ceremony. Many people find that approach to be particularly fitting for their mother. After all, she is the person who gave them life—often physically but always in supporting and nurturing them to help them make the most of their life.

But if you choose to have a celebration of life before, during or after the funeral service, how do you do that? A great way to approach it is to come up with an overarching theme that runs through the entire event, from the music and decor to the menu of a post-service meal.

To find your theme, you can look at what mom was passionate about. She was surely devoted to caring for her family, but what were some things she did more for her own entertainment or amusement? What put a smile on her face?

When you select a mom-focused theme, attendees enjoy fond memories of her throughout the gathering. Plus, you will likely find that brainstorming about mom’s passions with other family members and friends is a very positive experience for everyone involved. It is an important reminder that while she will no longer be present in the flesh, she will always be present in the hearts and minds of those who loved her.

8 Ways to Commemorate Mom’s Happiest Times in a Funeral Service

Below are eight ideas to consider for making a funeral service also a celebration of life for mom.

Other Ways to Honor Mom’s Memory

Some people choose to have a traditional funeral service and then celebrate mom’s life in a separate event. Here are some ideas:

Your Celebration of Life Honors Mom and Supports All Who Loved Her

Acknowledging mom’s passing by celebrating her life not only honors her, but it also helps family and friends focus on all the joy she brought to people around her. In that way, a celebration of life is a wonderful way to begin the healing process.

How Much Does an Average Funeral Cost?

Fri, 23 Jul 2021 17:38:00 GMT

When a loved one has died, you want to tend to the details of any funeral/memorial service and burial in a way that honors their memory, reflects their wishes, and meets your expectations. But how much does an average funeral cost? You will want to know that before you make any decisions.

Understanding Mortuary Services

There are many different mortuary services available to you as the family member or responsible party of the person who has died. While most are optional, basic funeral services are required in all cases. Basic services include staff efforts associated with:

Other mortuary services and items include:

Beyond the basic funeral services and overhead costs, the approach you take regarding the disposition of the remains is up to you. Giving some thought to these selections in advance of a loved one’s passing can be helpful since the stress of losing someone can make reaching decisions particularly difficult.

For people who are open to this type of conversation, discussing funeral arrangements even before the need arises can be a healthy and cathartic process. It is also a good idea to document a person’s wishes and your plans for how to pay for funeral expenses so that when they die, there is no need to recall a conversation that may now be somewhat unclear due to the passing of time or the emotion surrounding their death.

The pain and sadness are inevitable when you lose a loved one. But the more funeral details you have solidified before their death, the easier it is to focus on happy memories of them and make their funeral more of a celebration of life. The same is true of becoming familiar with the steps you need to take in the immediate aftermath of a loved one’s passing.

Typical Funeral Costs

Knowing that every family has its own unique perspective on the mortuary services they desire for their deceased loved one, a rough estimate of overall funeral costs is $7,000 to $12,000. Actual itemized funeral costs will change over time due to economic factors, but in terms of approximate cost today, there are rough figures you can use as you develop a budget for mortuary services.

For example, basic services are typically around $3,000. Embalming is a detailed process with a cost of approximately $1,000. Other care for the body like dressing/cosmetology or special care after an autopsy is generally in the range of $575 to $600 per service.

Pre-funeral gatherings like private viewings and visitation typically cost between $300 and $500. Funeral, graveside, and memorial services will often be under $900, while vehicle use tends to cost between $500 and $600.

In terms of funeral-related products, caskets vary widely, from simple to ornate, with prices starting around $900 and going into the tens of thousands. Outer burial containers have a similarly broad range, from $350 to $25,000 or more. Urns cost anywhere from $25 to over $9,000.

Immediate Burial and Direct Cremation

In some instances, a family prefers to get the loved one’s remains to their final resting place as efficiently as possible. In those cases, immediate burial in a simple casket is approximately $3,300, and direct cremation is around $2,200. The availability of these options, along with the services above, means that when a loved one dies, there are many ways to care for their remains and celebrate their life.

One significant benefit for which there is no associated cost is the support of a compassionate and experienced funeral director and staff. Particularly for those who have never lost a loved one—or who have not lost someone close to them in many years—the grieving process is unfamiliar and often different than they expected.

Mortuary staff members understand and can help you anticipate the very strong emotions you are likely to experience—both negative and positive. The loss of anyone you care about is deeply saddening, of course, but there also may be intensely uplifting feelings that come from being loved and supported by family and friends. The funeral director and others can guide you through this foreign emotional landscape.

Keep in mind that regardless of whether you have ever talked with a funeral director or staff before, they are available to assist you with urgent questions or concerns 24/7 .

Funeral Pre-Planning

One gift people can give to their surviving loved ones is pre-planning some or all of their funeral activities . While the thought of doing so may feel uncomfortable at first, as you get further into the process, you are likely to discover that confronting your mortality is empowering. Many people find that it actually encourages them to live their remaining time—whether they have days or decades left—more fully.

Pre-planning also enables you to make financial decisions and arrangements so that your funeral costs are covered. That way, your loved ones can focus less on funeral details and more on their grieving process. Plus, knowing that you were comfortable addressing your end-of-life planning can be very reassuring to family and friends who otherwise may not know whether you ever considered your death.

Your plan says to them, “We all make this transition at some point. I’m prepared to make mine.” And that gift, which is valuable immediately, becomes truly priceless over time.